CDC confirms Bernie, from Weekend at Bernies, died from Coronavirus

Hampton Island (Capitol Hill Underground) – The CDC made headlines over the weekend claiming Bernie, the star of the popular movie, “Weekend at Bernies,” died from complications due to Coronavirus. Critics of the CDC argued, Bernie is a fictional character and the movie was filmed decades before the COVID-19 pandemic .

The CDC’s official response: “You put your mask on when you’re talking to me!”

When their critics tried to respond the CDC cut them off, “For every rebuttal you offer we will double the length of quarantine.”

“That’s not fair!” the critics yelled over a zoom call in unison.

“Do you want to lose Halloween?” read the CDC’s official Twitter account.

“No,” mumbled the critics, now sulking.

“Keep it up, you just lost Christmas.”

*Our team is still researching the legality of the CDC’s comments, but one thing is for certain – whoever is running the CDC’s twitter account has zero chill.

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