Republicans demand ‘Trial by Combat’ as Senate Impeachment Hearing heats up

THUNDERDOME (Capitol Hill Underground) – Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, stunned reporters early Friday morning when he demanded Republicans right to ‘trial by combat’ in the infamous Senate Impeachment Hearings.

For those of you out of the zeitgeist, trial by combat, according to Wikipedia and confirmed by my Uncle Robbie, was a method of Germanic law to settle accusations in the absence of witnesses or a confession in which the two parties in dispute fought in single combat… to the death. More recently made popular by the hit HBO series, Game of Thrones.

If the Senate votes along party lines, as expected, the real question becomes: Who will each party nominate for the honor of the duel?

Our informants within the Capitol have noticed Lindsey Graham stretching and shadow boxing when he thinks nobody is watching. We haven’t been able to verify it, but allegedly, Lev Parnas witnessed McConnell rubbing Graham’s shoulders whispering, “you got this champ, you got this. Who the hell are they gonna nominate? Bernie?”

According to Parnas, the two Senators laughed at this quite jovially but then Graham got real quiet, eyes wide, and asked “What if they nominate Booker?”

McConnell stopped laughing immediately.

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