Trump signs executive order imposing ‘Primae Noctis’ on all White House employees and cabinet members.

FLORIDA (Capitol Hill Underground) – President Trump enlisted the ‘power of the pen’ earlier this week by signing a highly controversial executive order. In essence, the executive order will give him the right of ‘Primae Noctis’ for any and all White House employees.

According to Jim Halpert, a paper salesman from Pennsylvania, Primae Noctis is, “when the king got to deflower every new bride on their wedding night.”

How will Republicans, who claim to be overtly monogamous, react to this overture? If history is any indication, they will play along with the ‘Chosen One’ while sporting shit eating grins.

When the president was asked whether he plans to exercise this new executive order he responded, “No no, not all. Not if their wives are dogs, uggos or horse faces.”

Primae Noctis first came into the mainstream after being used as the vehicle for revenge in the critically acclaimed movie, ‘Braveheart’.

Mel Gibson didn’t respond to the request for an interview we never sent.

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