SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH: Researchers, with the help of anti-vaxxers, have brought Measles back from the edge of extinction.

HARVARD (Capitol Hill Underground) – Giraffes, rhinos and almost every specie of bee may be inching ever closer to extinction but have no fear! We did it! Measles are back baby!

Although measles were touted as being eliminated in the United States back in 2000 due to a highly effective vaccination program we found out that was not the case. It was – in fact – just another ruse made up by the Deep State to trick the sheeple of the US of A into giving up their guns in order to smuggle illegals into polling centers nationwide… or at least, that’s what we read on Breitbart.

In the new age of the 24-hour news cycle – facts are lies, Trump is a christian, Mike Pence ISN’T gay, climate change is a hoax, up is down and most importantly… did we mention? Measles are back baby!

Our team caught up with the lead scientist of the decade long project. “We could not have done this without the help of ALL the anti-vaxxers out there. Literally, we could not have. In fact, they did a majority of the work, if not all. I almost feel guilty taking any credit for it…”

Fortunately, parents who decide not to vaccinate their children are still allowed to bring their bundles of joy out into public because remember – SHARING IS CARING… right? Anybody? Bueller?

WRONG.

Get your children vaccinated. Please. We beg you.

Not sure where to get vaccinated? Our buddies up on Capitol Hill hooked us up with this sick link that helps you find the nearest vaccination station:

https://www.vaccines.gov/getting/where

Still not convinced? Well, if you’re not willing to vaccinate your children – at the very least – neuter your boyfriend, your husband or yourself.

Vasectomies are so hot right now.

Mugatu at an NRA fundraiser back in 98′
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