WASHINGTON (Capitol Hill Underground) – We the people have petitioned the White House to enlist Sir David Attenborough to narrate ‘The Mueller Report’ now that the Special Counsel has concluded it after two years of lord knows what. For those of you born on Mars, Sir David Attenborough is the legendary voice behind the groundbreaking series Blue Planet, Planet Earth, Life on Earth, and countless other unforgettable projects.
Special Counsel Robert S. Mueller spent years and countless hours on his investigation into Russian interference during the 2016 election. He has finally concluded that investigation resulting in a report of over 300 pages, now infamously known as, ‘The Mueller Report.’
We the people deserve to know what is in that damn report after having to sit on the sidelines and watch the partisan bickering take place as the investigation meandered its way to its curious and anti-climactic end. We haven’t been this confused or duped since ‘Lost’ introduced the roaming black fog and polar bears on the island. We the people demand some clarity and we demand to be entertained as we receive it. That is why Sir David Attenborough must narrate the report.
He is not the hero we deserve, but the here we want.
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