Trump Declares ‘Blind Loyalty’ a National Emergency, Outrages Base

FLORIDA (Capitol Hill Underground) – Early Thursday morning President Trump took to twitter to declare a National emergency. No, it wasn’t about our southern border, it had to do with something a little closer to home – blind loyalty. 

In an alarmingly coherent tweet Trump revealed his latest ploy to course correct his administration. “Sadly the FAKE NEWS has been unable to properly inform the American people about the current state of politics. The FAILING New York Times and uber lame CNN can’t pry ONE of my supporters away from Trump Nation. SAD!”

We caught up with Trump at Mar a Lago where he opened up – “I’ve literally lied to my base about just about everything: building the wall, having Mexico pay for it, draining the swamp, locking up Hillary, slashing the deficit, not golfing, not having a crush on my daughter… You name it, I’ve lied about it, but they honestly still love me just as much as ever. It’s fucking crazy. Being president is way more easy than I thought it would be. Shit’s lit.”

Immediately following this exchange, Trump and Giuliani fist bumped and cracked open a  couple lukewarm Four Lokos. 

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