NEW YORK (Capitol Hill Underground) – Two elderly, senile men in New York decided to escape the monotony of their nursing home life and do the unthinkable: sneak into the White House. The men, who reportedly had a plethora of help in their escape (predominately from the Trump Foundation which they used as a ‘check book of sorts’), couldn’t resist the urge to scam voters leading up to the 2016 election.
According to a report by The Quibbler, the barely functioning geriatrics left their nursing home in a swanky New York City high rise and stumbled along the presidential trail for a few months, ultimately ending up at the White House. Since taking up residence at 1600 Penn the two have been seen on multiple occasions wandering around disoriented and confused.
One of the men, name withheld, gained access to a mobile phone and has been rumored to tweet inarticulate, completely unsubstantiated claims every morning between the hours of 2am and 4am.
The men seem to have a loose grasp on reality and truth as is evident in this video obtained by Meet the Press:
More details to come as the story develops.
*If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of the two men please call Paul Ryan (202) 225-3031. The nurses are worried that they haven’t taken their meds in quite some time.