Trump Hires Michael Scott to Replace Outgoing Chief of Staff John Kelly

SCRANTON (Capitol Hill Underground) — President Trump stunned staffers Monday when he announced Michael Scott would be replacing the embattled Chief of Staff, John Kelly. Michael Scott is the former manager at a mid-range paper supply company based in Scranton, Pennsylvania, Dunder Mifflin. Scott first appeared on our radar after a watermark controversy forced him to make a public apology back in 2007.

Scott may seem like an odd choice to replace the stern, no-nonsense John Kelly, but political pundits argue that’s actually the point. John Kelly and Michael Scott are polar opposites which a quote we obtained from the new Chief of Staff clearly demonstrates.

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy – both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

When pressed about whether his ‘likeable’ management style could work in this cutthroat administration, Scott responded, “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.”

Reporters pressed the President Monday on what influenced his decision. Trump revealed, “We actually met at a local Chilli’s where we split an awesome blossom. It was the best. I mean, I make them better, but it was great. Probably the best one they had ever made. Have you heard of them before? They’re awesome. Yes, he is a great hire.”

We recently caught up with an old colleague of Scotts’, Stanley Hudson, who when asked about Trumps most recent hire started laughing maniacally.

*Michael Scott is the proud owner of over seventeen ‘Dundies’. 

** Stanley Hudson was still laughing when we left the room. 


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